Getting older

I don't like getting older. Next Saturday I'll turn 19 and I can't comprehend that my 18-year-self is already ready to be shipped off to the history book. It feels like only yesterday I ran around smiling because I was old enough to get a driving license and actually being able to call myself a real adult. Though I almost peed in my pants when I drove a car for the first time. But I knew that turning 18 meant that I should act 'real adult'. Well, at least at some points, and turning 19 won't make me any less 'real adult'.  I've already sent my application to the university I want to attend and I've sent applications to different apartments I might be lucky to get. If I get into the university of course...

And all this I don't really feel like doing. Not yet. I always thought my previous math teacher was joking when he said that you should enjoy being young because I honestly thought it would last longer. But somehow that youth simply disappeared in front of my eyes. (Yes, very dramatic and stuff, Sidsel says I'm talking nonsense but that's me. I always talk nonsense). I've no idea where it went. Suddenly I see applications, bills and life-changing decisions hanging like the green Sims diamond over my head and I've no idea what to do. Okay, that might not be completely true because I've just written that I've done all this adult stuff but it doesn't mean that I thought it was easy. Picking my future with a few clicks on the computer scares me. What if I make the wrong decision? What if I'm not ready to move out and live alone? Or maybe with others? I honestly do not know. But there's one thing I do know. I can't stop it from happening. These days I'm trying to accept the fact that I'm getting older and that I can count the boring History lessons I've left before the final exams jump out of the bushes. I just have to face the fact that I can't stay a teenager forever. I might never grow up on the inside - not 100% - because I don't want to. I see adults running around, all stressed up without a single smile on their faces. I don't want to be like that. I want to be stressed and yet happy at the same time. I don't want to give up my joy of watching Disney movies or re-watching/reading my beloved Harry Potter. I want to responsible but at the same time capable of having a throw-food-at-your-friends-fight during lunch. And right now I'm hoping for that to happen. Because I don't like getting older, but I know it's inevitable. So if I have to get my own place and an education plus a job, why not do it with a smile of childish foolishness on your lips mixed with a responsible mind?