time and things

Wauw! it's been a while, I've been really busy with school and everything else (everything else being spending time with Chris), but as I'm now working on my last assignment, and exams are around the corner (argh, panic!) I'm beginning to see the end of stressing about school - for now! When the exams are done I'm going to apply for university, hoping to get into Studies of Religion (yep, and atheist studying religion, it's more common than you'd think), I'm now starting to figure all my studying stuff out - I'll be taking History as a supplementary subject, and possibly philosophy (but that last one is far into the future). So yeah, I'm getting my things sorted! (kind of, maybe).
Oh yeah, and Chris visited, that was a blast, and I think I'll share some writing I did in relation to that. Get ready to enjoy my sadness:

I feel you slowly letting go of me,
looking me in the eyes,
one last kiss,
my hand lets go of yours,
you walk away.

You say you love me,
all I hear,
is another goodbye.

Train doors closing,
your hand on the train window,
slowly moving away,
leaving me behind,
on my own watching your train leave the station.

I whisper I love you,
all I hear,
is another goodbye.

I turn around,
driving through an empty town,
alone in a cold room,
the taste of our last kiss in my mouth,
a hollow feeling in my stomach.

I sob I love you,
but all I hear,
is another goodbye.

I'm counting the hours since you left,
you're on a plane thinking about me,
as I wait for you to call,
to hear your voice,
you're too far away.

you say you love me,
all I hear,
is another goodbye.


So... yeah, better go do something useful.
- Sidsel

Silly Sille thoughts

I feel a lack of inspiration at this moment, maybe because I'm stressed. Not like stressed-stressed but more like I-have-a-lot-to-do-stressed; that's also called being busy I realized. So I suppose this blog will be about whatever I want since I only have 15 minutes before my friend arrives from North Jutland. I'm going to spend the next 3 days with her, running around at museums and acting silly and stuff. But before this weekend started I felt busy, let's put it that way. I had 3 assignments for the same week (in total the teachers had written that I was going to spend 15 hours writing them) and at the same time and I hadn't brought my mother's birthday present - she's getting the first two seasons of Downtown Abbey incl. winter specials - and I suddenly felt like the theme-dress-up-day at school would be terrible, as usual. Not because it isn't a great idea - it is! - but because my classmates have a tendency so skip all class-activities which doesn't include normal teaching. Let's just say that all have the class showed up, shall we. Either way I was drowning in 'bad things' or whatever I could call it. But since I'm stubborn I made it through. In two days I'd written 4 pages of a Danish analysis including 1 page in Spanish about violence in the marriage. My last assignment was put off and suddenly I realized that it the Easter Break arrived. Boom, instant happiness and relaxation. So I am trying to say something with all this nonsense? Perhaps, perhaps not, to be honest I'm just writing down my thoughts since I haven't made my mother's birthday card yet, and her birthday is tomorrow. Oh well, I'm going to survive; I just have to find the other present I bought her and I don't recall where I put it.... I better be off! The moral, and here I would like to add a little quote so I can hear Sidsel sigh and shake her head because of my silliness:

"Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light." (Okay I made just have added that quote because I like it). Anyweasley, take care.

Sille 

An apology

gosh, I know I was supposed to write last week, but my life has been stressful lately, and I'm not really going to write anything this, I'm just going to say that I'm sorry.
I have some stuff going on, a mix between a stressy time with school-assignments, and personal stuff, and I find it more important that I sort.
I'm so sorry, but I'll write something proper when I have time.

Getting older

I don't like getting older. Next Saturday I'll turn 19 and I can't comprehend that my 18-year-self is already ready to be shipped off to the history book. It feels like only yesterday I ran around smiling because I was old enough to get a driving license and actually being able to call myself a real adult. Though I almost peed in my pants when I drove a car for the first time. But I knew that turning 18 meant that I should act 'real adult'. Well, at least at some points, and turning 19 won't make me any less 'real adult'.  I've already sent my application to the university I want to attend and I've sent applications to different apartments I might be lucky to get. If I get into the university of course...

And all this I don't really feel like doing. Not yet. I always thought my previous math teacher was joking when he said that you should enjoy being young because I honestly thought it would last longer. But somehow that youth simply disappeared in front of my eyes. (Yes, very dramatic and stuff, Sidsel says I'm talking nonsense but that's me. I always talk nonsense). I've no idea where it went. Suddenly I see applications, bills and life-changing decisions hanging like the green Sims diamond over my head and I've no idea what to do. Okay, that might not be completely true because I've just written that I've done all this adult stuff but it doesn't mean that I thought it was easy. Picking my future with a few clicks on the computer scares me. What if I make the wrong decision? What if I'm not ready to move out and live alone? Or maybe with others? I honestly do not know. But there's one thing I do know. I can't stop it from happening. These days I'm trying to accept the fact that I'm getting older and that I can count the boring History lessons I've left before the final exams jump out of the bushes. I just have to face the fact that I can't stay a teenager forever. I might never grow up on the inside - not 100% - because I don't want to. I see adults running around, all stressed up without a single smile on their faces. I don't want to be like that. I want to be stressed and yet happy at the same time. I don't want to give up my joy of watching Disney movies or re-watching/reading my beloved Harry Potter. I want to responsible but at the same time capable of having a throw-food-at-your-friends-fight during lunch. And right now I'm hoping for that to happen. Because I don't like getting older, but I know it's inevitable. So if I have to get my own place and an education plus a job, why not do it with a smile of childish foolishness on your lips mixed with a responsible mind?   

Life, choices and decisions

Okay, so here I am, at my English midterm, I finished writing my assignment about 20 minutes ago and have read through it several times now, and I have 2 hours and 12 minutes left of the test-time, sure I could leave now, but I can’t bring my stuff with me, so that’s not really that much of an option… Instead I think I’ll write a blog, well technically I know I will, because I am doing so. And unlike some, not saying any names here, I’d like to challenge myself a bit, so not just write about what happened to me the other day, even though our school-party thing was awesome for me too. Last year I wrote a blog after finishing my English test, and I believe I wrote about memories and my childhood and stuff like that. But this year I’ll write about something else, I think I’ll write about choices.

My Danish teacher has started a thing, where she every once in a while chooses someone to write a blog for a class’ Danish blog - and a while back one of my classmates wrote what might be one of my favourite things on there - he wrote a blog about making choices, big and small, and what I especially liked was his description of the ‘not-choice’ - the choice of doing nothing, some of is do this more than others, and no, wearing a shirt that says “I’m allergic to decisions” is no excuse to not make choice in your everyday life as well as in the bigger perspective!

The reason Thomas wrote his blog, and the reason it inspired me to write this one, is that at the moment we have to make a lot of choices, we’re faced with a lot of decisions that needs making. In three and a half months we’ll be done with all our exams, and we’ll have to apply for further education - or figure out what else we want to do, or choose the not-choice and do nothing. We need to start looking at places to live, well by now, we should’ve started looking at places to live, unless we choose the not-choice and stay home with mom and dad. Personally I’ve already made a lot of choices, I’ve decided which educations I want to apply to and when I’ll do so. I’ve decided what kind of apartment I want and I’ve started looking, I’ve started to hoard stuff for moving our as well. These are some of the bigger decisions that has needed making in my life, and in the lives of all my friends. And with all of them there’s as mentioned the optioned to choose nothing, and just see what life brings you.

Then there’s the smaller, everyday decisions, that we’re all faced with all the time, things like “what should I cook for dinner” or “should I write that assignment today or wait till tomorrow?” decisions that we can easily let slip and choose not to make, but I like to think it’ll come back to you at some point, if you choose not to decide what to have for dinner - someone else will and it might not be what you wanted, and if you choose not to decide when to do the assignment you’ll be sitting with on the last day before handing it in.

I am not the best at choosing, but I am far from the worst. I choose quite early on how I feel about people, and it might be harsh, but it’s rarely changed. I like to spend time choosing my words before saying or writing them etc. etc.

I and I’ve chosen not to write too much more about choices, but it like to try to give some advice:

Make choices, the longer you wait the worse things get, and of course you should take other people into consideration, but sometimes you need to choose for yourself first. You really can’t let everyone make your decisions for you.

I know, it feels as if I’m yelling “take a stand!” and maybe I am, but just consider what you’d prefer, making choices now and being able to look back and say “I actively chose this” or waking up one morning in five years and thinking “I never decided to be here…” don’t just go where the current takes you - or where mom tells you to go.

Oh well, enough now, Sidsel out!

Prom! (I know Sidsel)

Yes Sidsel, I'm not that creative, it's not my fault. Therefore, dear reader, I'll tell you a little bit about last Saturday where I went to prom (Danish: Galla). Danes don't really celebrate homecoming so we only have prom therefore I was really excited but also very nervous because we had to dance lanciers. It's a tradition we like to hold every year in the first weekend of March. Lanciers contains five different tours named (according to Wiki) the following: La Dorset, La Victoria, Les Moulinets, Les Visites and Les Lancers. And while we're at it I'd like to quote the last line on the Wiki page which says: " The dances keep getting more advanced, topping at no. 5 which is performed with a timing that has to be extremely precise compared to any of the previous dances." This is entirely true and the last tour is difficult as hell. To put it short you have, as a woman, to hold on to your partner otherwise you'll simply fly away or just fall to the ground. It goes really fast. Either way I think we all managed to survive this dance, some people did step on my dress though, without falling. Afterwards my mom forced us to pose in front of her so she could take all the pictures she needed. Therefore I'll just add one, maybe two. Then you can get to see the lovely dresses we all were wearing. Oh and did I mention that I danced the entire Lanciers in high heels? Yeah, I'm quite proud of myself even though my feet very much disliked me later that evening.

Hmm, I think that's it for now, I'm afraid I could talk forever about the different tours or all the food we ate before we danced and that would be a tiny bit boring. So that's it. Stay awesome!

Sille 

PS this is post 100! 

promises or something

It might be a bit late for New Years resolutions, but it was my birthday this Wednesday and I started thinking about changes I've made or gone through since last year, and what I want the next year to be like, so Chris and I sat down and (as I'm writing we're about to) had a talk about resolutions/promises for the next year (or so).
First of all I've agreed with myself to read at least two books a month, I've been doing that so far in 2014, though exam months and stuff like that, don't really count, we'll see about those.
I've promised myself to start studying history this year, and to find a place to live (away from my parents) before the year is over.
By Easter Chris will have learned some Danish, including the phrases:
"Hvordan har du det" (how are you?)
"Jeg her det godt, tak" (I'm good, thanks)
"Må jeg bede om vandet?" (can I have the water please) yes it's necessary for dinner time with my family...
"Jeg forstod ikke helt hvad du sagde, kan du gentage det? (kan du oversætte det til engelsk)?" (I didn't really understand what you said, can you repeat it? (can you translate it to English?))
"tak skal du have" (thank you)
(more might added to this list)
We promise that this year we'll celebrate our anniversary properly, and in the same country for the first time.
I promise that I'll make this Christmas the best Chris has ever had.
Chris will eventually cut down on sugar.
I promise to kick ass at my exams, and get over my nerves.
Chris promises to get through tech, and do so as brilliantly as he's been doing lately.
We promise to stay in touch with the people who matter, even if they live further away once we move to Aarhus.
We promise to make many pancakes, but only for ourselves. :P

So there, that's our promises for the next while of our lives...
- Sidsel (and Chris) out!